Episode Transcript
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What's up? What's up everybody? It is Doc Chocolate coming at you with another episode of the Bulls and Queens show where where we tackle the fun and the kinky and the adult industry and the lifestyle world. So today I have myself an awesome guest. He is an author and an overall good guy and he kind of looks like a cool version of Woody Haraldson. So we'll talk about that more here later. But before we get into this interview, in this episode I want you all to make sure that you follow Bulls and Queens on whatever podcast platform you are listening to this on. Whether it is Spotify, whether it is Apple, whether it is some other podcast platform, make sure you click that follow button so that you can be notified of every single new episode that pops in with your old buddy Doc Chocolate. And his fun guests. And last but not least, I want you all to make sure you go to bulls and queens.com and you click that link that says only fans or nasty videos or whatever the hell it says and my adventures that I have with ladies in the lifestyle that are beautiful, vivacious and very, very sexy. So without further ado, drum roll, please.
Let me introduce the man of the hour, the guest who can bang with the rest. He is an author who has divulged into a wild journey into sex and love while searching for authentic mascul.
He is the author of the book Seek the Risk. His name is Adam Darrow.
Mr. Adam Darrell. How are you doing today?
[00:04:41] Speaker B: I'm fine. Thanks for that great introduction, doc. Nice to meet you.
[00:04:44] Speaker A: You're very, very welcome. Am I saying your last name right? Is it Darrow or Darrell?
[00:04:48] Speaker B: No, it's Darrow, like arrow with a.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: D. Okay, beautiful, beautiful. So tell us a little bit about yourself and your book. How you got started, like where you got this crazy idea to talk about sex, love and authentic masculinity.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
So, gosh, where to begin? I spent my life a lot of, as a lot of young men do, trying to prove myself, trying to be masculine, trying to get out there. My 20s were spent doing a lot of competing in a lot of extreme sports. And then when I finished that, I got into my 30s and then I went into the business world and sort of applied a lot of the lessons that I had learned from the sporting world to the business world. Obviously I'd been dating women. Well, I'm heterosexual, so I have been dating women not obviously for my, you know, for a good 15 years. When I turned 30 and I was starting to explore with kind of the fun what I, what I thought was wild and kinky sex, which really was just having another woman join us in the bedroom kind of thing. I thought I was so badass. Once one of my climbing partners asked me to help him fuck his, his girlfriend. And that was like, blew my mind.
So I had these little bits and pieces, introductions into I guess non monogamy or lifestyle, but that, that was it.
Then about my mid-30s, I had a girlfriend. We, we once, we once went online and met another couple. Now this is, this is back in the early 2000s. So this is when it's all like brand new.
So my sexual history is sort of developing. And then in my late 30s, I met this woman at a dinner party at my house. And I was absolutely blown away, like absolutely blown away by her. Just eastern European, tall, ridiculously Smart. Going to Ivy League university. I was just like, oh my God, I'm in love. Right?
And I did my best to sort of start getting to know her and hanging out. And she called herself the biggest slut in the world. That's how she described herself. She called herself a super slut. And I had never met anyone like that. And I got really. I was just getting really attracted to her as a person, the sex aside. But I also saw this woman who was living this sexual life that I had never even known was possible. I thought it was something out of like a movie plot or a cult.
And as the. As we got to know each other and started hooking up and as I got kind of pulled into her world, it was a mind explosion, what I was dealing with. And as I began to fall in love with her, meanwhile she's living this lifestyle. My brain couldn't handle it and I didn't know what to think. And the book is about my journey as I dove into this extreme non monogamy with her and then ended up getting married to her. And we were together 10 years and it was. And the reason why I wrote the book, I never even intended to write a book. I was telling a friend of mine who's a writer of the story after we had split, and he said, dude, you have to write. You have to write that book. It's an incredible story. And that's how the book came. I went in thinking I was so badass and realized I don't know shit.
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Wow. But isn't that true about most of us, if not all of us, Adam, is that we may think that we've arrived at our apex or at the destination at the end of the journey, but in reality, the journey keeps on going until the day we breathe our last breath. Right?
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: So tell me, like, what was the craziest thing you did with this beautiful lady who became your wife? And I'm assuming you guys are no longer together.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: We are not together, but she is a dear friend and she helped with the book. She's a sex educator actually. So she, she was the, you know, I. I wrote the book kind of from, I guess for men, even though a lot of women, more, almost more women seem to be reading it than men to sort of. I wrot the book I wish I'd had as I was going through this journey with her. And so she thought it was great. And so, yes, we're not together, but we're very close friends and she really helped with the book. I owe a lot to her.
[00:08:55] Speaker A: That is beautiful. That is beautiful. So why did you call it Seek the Risk? For the title.
[00:09:01] Speaker B: Right. So it's half of a longer saying. The longer saying is seek the risk, not the reward. And it's a way of living.
And we used to call it experience hunting versus trophy bagging. And basically what seeking the risk versus the reward means I'm doing something for the experience and I'm not attached to the outcome. Right. And any, any difficulties and any failures that happen to me along the way, the journey will be better because of them, not in spite of them. And so seeking the risk means diving into the things that scare you. It's running towards the burning building. And that's really what this relationship was. She presented me like as we were getting closer, she said, look, I'm not the kind of girl as a boyfriend, so be careful what you wish. Be careful what you wish for.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: And she's probably saying, I have a lot of boyfriends.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: Exactly. And that was terrifying to me because she was absolutely public about her non monogamy. Like if I was going to date her, everybody, all my world was going to know that my girlfriend and then wife was fucking a lot of other men. And that was terrifying to me. So the title Seek the Risk is about the fact that, wow, this, this relationship really scares me. But because it scares me, it means the journey is going to be even better. And there's a very good chance I'm going to come out the other side a fantastically better version of myself, which actually is what happened. It was an amazing journey and it was. I learned so much about myself. Non monogamy is a sharp knife that cuts through your skin. And this was. I could not have been with a more non monogamous person than Jane. So, wow, that's, that's what the title is. It's Seek the risk. Go. Go for the things that scare you because there's probably something to be learned and you may have, and you may have a better life because of it.
[00:10:47] Speaker A: Wow, that is awesome. And so you guys and ladies that are listening to this, make sure you go to seektheresk.net that seektherisk.net and so, Adam, it seems like Jane is like definitely a woman's woman and she's definitely unlike most other women out there. So I mean, okay, me, I'm a content creator, I do porn, I'm in the lifestyle, I do this podcast. But even me, I would blush at the even mention of my lady wanting to go out into like my vanilla social media and saying Hey, I fuck other guys. Like, so I couldn't imagine how you would take that.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: Like, there's a, there's a. One of the scenes in the book is the moment she outed me on social media.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: Okay, like what, on Facebook or Instagram or.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Yeah, on Facebook. Well, this is what, 2000, 2008, 2009. Where, you know, we'd been seeing each other for 16. We'd been fucking for, you know, a good five, six months now. And I was like feeling great. And then one day I got a notification. You know, like Jane has listed she's in an open relationship with you and you have to approve it on Facebook. So I'm sitting there like, well, this is awesome. She thinks she's in a relationship with me and this is going to destroy my world if I say yes. And so I had this like conflict and thinking about it and finally I just said, fuck it. And I said yes. And my world turned upside down, man. My best friend came to me and said, how can you let your woman fuck other guys? You know? And I'm like, oh man, I don't let her to fuck other guys any more than I let her be female. It's just who she is. So it was a real, real. Yeah, that was about, that was, that was secret. I was like, okay, walk the walk.
And that's what started it all. It was an incredible journey and I learned a lot. And I saw so much hypocrisy in the world of sexuality around women and men. It was, it was an eye opening experience for me and that's part of the reason I wrote it down.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And I, I really commend people like you, Adam, that are out there wanting to make the world of taboo more mainstream. Because at the end of the day, just my personal belief is that it is not weird to be weird or different or taboo, but it's weird if you try to be non weird, if that makes sense. So we live in a world where in the western world where typically 50% of people that are in long term relationships or marriages, they cheat.
So they're in a lifestyle of non consensual, non monogamy. But they will look down and laugh at those of us who are in consensual non monogamy. Does that seem backwards to you or am I just crazy?
[00:13:46] Speaker B: No, no. I mean, yes, the way the world is seems backwards. And you are absolutely right. And you're going to have problems in your relationship whether it's monogamous or non monogamous. It's just Decide which problems you want to have. And in the book I'm very clear. It's neither a celebration nor a cautionary tale. It's just, it's just a story. I'm, I, you know, everyone should make their own decisions. So, yeah, you know, what you say is absolutely correct. I agree with you. Yeah.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: And so Adam, you did extreme sports back in the day. What type of extreme sports were you into?
Like, besides, besides fucking?
[00:14:22] Speaker B: I did a lot of free soloing, rock climbing, base jumping, skydiving, extreme snowboarding, free diving.
And yeah, I did. I ran the gamut in the 20s. I lived out of my truck. I did advent for photography and I competed in all these sports. In one of the sports, I have a bronze medal at the national level, not, not the Olympic level. But I'm not going to say which sport because then you could find out who I am.
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[00:16:08] Speaker B: And so the book really, when I first got into the relationship with Jane, it broke me down. Like after the first year I was destroyed and I was like, okay, I gotta start thinking about this relationship. Like I think about my extreme sports and I started like training. It's like, okay, I need a training regimen if I'm going to be in this relationship. And I put a plan together for myself and that's how. So the book bounces between some journals of when I was doing extreme sports and into the extreme sex of the book. So it goes back and forth and it weaves it, which people seem to like.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Okay, so you gotta tell me, what type of training does one go through to be an extreme, or. I'm trying to find a proper noun. An extreme sexual.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: Give me a noun, give me a noun. I mean, I want to be clear. I wasn't training for the sex. I was training for the psychological challenge. It was mental training for me, which is a lot of what extreme sports is. It's about controlling fear. It's about controlling your emotions and staying in sort of that Zen space, so to speak. I call it the climbers mindset in the book. Because when you're free soloing without ropes, you have to be absolutely fucking calm. No matter what happens, pigeons fly you or whatever, you cannot get shaken. And I had to start applying that mindset to the sexual relationship. I got into it and like, some of the environments where all of a sudden, like, our first sex party.
I'd never been to a sex party before, and she's like, hey, we're going to a sex party. You know, it's like that. That girlfriend, you know, from a few years earlier, she and I had met with a couple who brought us to, like a house party with eight people. And that was like the only sex party I'd ever been to. And she brought me to this party with 250 people in this, like, top three floors of a hotel, like, insane. I'd never. I didn't know what I was walking into. And at one point, she's on the bed with three guys having sex, and I'm like, ah, my brain. I was just like, calm, stay calm. Walk away. Go get a drink, look out the window. It's just trying to stay calm. So for me, the mental training was about trying to understand how to get to a place where I could start not only just accepting her lifestyle, but actually start enjoying it. Like, get to the compersion state. So I. How did I train? I mean, it's. It's kind of a law. It's. I wrote a whole book about it, but a lot of it is taking baby steps of getting to where I needed to get to and taking one challenge at a time and not trying to bite off too much all at once.
[00:18:40] Speaker A: Okay, yeah. And I. I definitely can understand where you're coming from, Adam, when you talk about the mental training, because when we're in the lifestyle. Because in the lifestyle, I was a bull. So guys would get me, seek me out in my services so could have sexual relations with their wife and Please her. And then also in porn. For us guys, it could be. Definitely be hard because we have to make sure that our dicks get hard and we got to make sure that we can go the distance, you know, time wise. And it's definitely more of a mental thing versus a physical thing, in my opinion.
So.
All right, so what was the kinkiest thing you did with Jane?
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Yeah, okay, so there was the craziest night we had, which was probably the kinkiest. Now, she always introduced me as her vanilla husband because, I mean, she was a kinkster. She, at one point, she had a sex slave that lived in a cage in her attic when she was still at school. Oh, yeah, Full on. She was a pro dom for a while.
[00:19:55] Speaker A: I mean, jeez.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: Our relationship was egalitarian. We didn't have any DS in our sex or regular relationship, but she was a big kinkster. But the kinkiest thing we did was we went to a dungeon, a trans party that was in a dungeon in Brooklyn once.
And I'm gonna see if I can describe this correctly. We went there because an ex lover of hers who now only like to date trans women, was going to the party with his. His girlfriend. Okay, so we're in this dungeon and it's just like. It's like chain link fence. It's.
I mean, it was. I don't know how to describe it, but it was sort of like a dungeon in a bad part of town kind of thing. It was, it wasn't scary, but it was just like dingy and dark and this chain link fence separating the rooms in this. Just like this cinder block space. And the music was pretty good. And we were having a few drinks and chatting and it was. It was just a very different environment that I'd been in. And at one point, the friend of hers, the four of us are sitting talking, the friend of hers says, asks Jane if she will fuck him in the ass while he sucks his girlfriend's dick because she was. She was a trans woman but only had top surgery, not bomb surgery. So we went to bottom surgery. So we went to one of these little like chain link rooms. And the.
His date, the woman, the trans woman, lays down the bed and pulls her skirt up. He gets on his knees, starts sucking her dick. My wife Jane gets behind him, starts fucking him in the ass. And I'm just. Yeah, with a strap on.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: With a strap on?
[00:21:34] Speaker B: Yeah, with a strap on. And I'm just watching this kind of casually like, okay, this is like blowing my mind. When the trans Woman leans over, unzips my pants, takes my cock out and start sucking it. So I'm part of the train and I'm just like, well, you know, I'm here.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: I'm here.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: When in Rome. So that was probably the wildest experience, sexual experience I'd had. And meanwhile, we're surrounded by all these people watching and jacking off while they're watching us do this. And like, you know, I am kind of a vanilla guy.
[00:22:09] Speaker A: I don't think you're a vanilla. I think I'm gonna have to disagree with you on that. I don't think you're very vanilla.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: Most of the people in her world consider me vanilla. So that, that was a. That was, that was a mind. But. But that, that was probably the craziest thing we did if in terms of kink. And again, we didn't have a lot of kink in our, in our relationship.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: Okay, gotcha, Gotcha. And so how many times on a weekly or maybe a monthly basis, Adam, would you and Jane have these excursions into the dark side?
[00:22:46] Speaker B: So when Jane and I got together, she was at school. And so I almost had a don't ask, don't tell. Sorry, I have to give a little. So when school ended and she moved in with me in New York. Right.
At first I was traveling a lot for work, so I was gone half the time. So I would leave for two weeks, then come back for two weeks. Right. And when I was back for two weeks, we probably were going probably having sexcapades at least twice a week. So I would come home for a two week period and we'd go through four or five different party events or threesomes or group sex or sex parties or something crazy.
Yeah, it was mind numbing. I don't even know how I got through it, but it was. I mean, and also. But it was amazing too. She would frequently bring a girl home, bring a friend home, and I'd have this amazing threesome with a gorgeous woman.
And I. Because I also, I had a lot of MFMs with her, which she really appreciated. Double penetration was double penetration. Was her, her like Shangri La. That's what, that's how she become the most.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Like DVP or DP or either or one in each.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: One in each hole. What is that? Just.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: Okay. Dp.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Dp. Yeah. Yeah. So we had a lot of those too. And I. My. One of my first sexual, crazy sexual experiences with my climbing partner when I was the other guy. So I was like, sure, we'll do that. So we did that a lot, too. But it was. It was pretty remarkable how much sex we were having during, like, the high point of our. Of our relationship.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Okay. And certainly back to that climbing partner's partner. So you have a climbing partner, and he wants you to climb his partner?
[00:24:29] Speaker B: Yeah, we didn't. We didn't have. We didn't even talk about. There was no consent.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: There's no consent. What?
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Well, there was no. We didn't. I mean, obviously there was consent in the moment, but we didn't talk about it beforehand. He just. I was staying at his house, and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom, and all of a sudden, his girlfriend just came into my room and jumped into bed and started sucking my. And I was like, what?
And then he came in and said, having fun? I was like, yeah. And so then the three of us, we.
That threesome, that was. Yeah, I was like. I mean, I was 21. I think I was 21 when that happened.
[00:25:04] Speaker A: Okay, so I'm gonna assume that your friend and his lady, they were a little bit older than you at that point.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: They were. Yeah. They were in their 30s. Yeah.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. Okay. That definitely tracks, because I'm like, that doesn't seem like somebody in the early 20s, so. Okay.
[00:25:19] Speaker B: So well done, you. That's a great, great pickup, man. Nice.
[00:25:22] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you. You know, hey, they saw you as fresh meat. They were like, oh, we're gonna get this Adam guy.
He was prob. This girl like, hey, honey, go suck his dick. And she's like, yes, my pleasure.
[00:25:34] Speaker B: I'm sure. I'm sure he was. It was great. I mean, it was an amazing night. I. She was so sexy. The whole day we were out, I was like, jesus Christ, she's hot. But I was like, no, it's my friend's girlfriend. Exactly.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: Because you're trying to be respectful to your. Your friend, and you're like, hey, I'm not going to give his girl the eyes.
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: Because that's. That's. That's very, very respectable. Respectful of you. So let me ask you this. I mean, was there any, like, talk beforehand? Because, like, I feel like there was something that happened where you guys had conversations and maybe just shooting the. Where.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, he was a guy I'd been climbing with for a few years at the time. And so we told stories like, I had some. I had some fun threesomes in college with. With women. And. And so we. When. You know, when you're climbing with someone, you. You get pretty intimate with them in terms of conversations. And learning someone. So he knew I wasn't going to say no.
It wasn't like I met him the day before.
I'd been on trips to Alaska with him.
I'd been all over the world with him at that point.
Yeah.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: Okay. And so like, did this like keep happening afterwards or was.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: It was a one time deal. I mean, the story has a bit of a sad ending. Shortly after that night, he got diagnosed with inoperable cancer and he died the next year. Which is. I'm sorry, but yeah, that was. Yeah, but it was a long time ago at this point.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: Yeah, that stinks. So I'm sorry to hear that.
So jumping back into the book, Seek the Risk, how long has it been published for?
[00:27:08] Speaker B: Just a year. Yeah, just came out last year in 2024.
[00:27:12] Speaker A: Okay. And so you said that you have mostly ladies that read the book. Surprisingly so. What are the ladies?
[00:27:20] Speaker B: No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give that impression. I would say it's about. I wrote it for men, but I'm surprised at how many ladies are reading it. Feels like it's about 50.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: Okay. That's actually a large percentage because even with my podcast, it's about 7, 8% female that listen and 92, 93% men that listen. And it's actually, I actually have more ladies that listen than other podcasts in the adult space, you know, and so, yeah, you having the 5050 ratio, that's actually pretty, pretty big for you. So what are some of your lady readers saying about the book? Like, what are they learning from it? Like, what. What is it doing for them?
[00:28:04] Speaker B: Well, the number one comment I have gotten from female readers is a thank you for in absolutely no, at no point in the book do I judge Jane for her choices ever.
I represent Jane as a woman with all the agency and all the respect. So that's the number one. That's the number one comment I've gotten from women. They felt like I was very, very fair to my antagonist, whatever the opposite person's called.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: The protagonist versus the antagonist.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: Right. The other question, the other not question. The other comment I get from women is I go deep into my own psyche about the male, how the male, how I think about relationships, how I think about women, and how I deal with jealousy and masculinity. It's a deep dive into my own brain. And I've gotten a lot of. From women saying they really appreciated that. It gave them some insight into their own partners. And the best comment I got, and I put it on the back of the book is one of my friends had a lot of friends read it as I was writing it. And one of my friends who's non monogamous, she read it and she said, holy shit, this is now going to be required reading for every guy I date. So that was the best comment I got from a female reader.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: I like that. I like that because it seems like your book, and I haven't read it yet, but I will, but it seems like your book is basically showing men that women should have agency about themselves and their sexual life and to be open to it. And it's almost like it's teaching men that you can be alpha by allowing women to be alpha in their own ways.
[00:29:58] Speaker B: You're more alpha. The argument I make in the book is you're more alpha by wanting to be around alpha women.
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I 100 agree.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: Strong, strong man can be around a strong woman.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: I 100 agree because in my, in my mind, in my experience, guys that say that I am Alpha 100, those are really the most.
The guys that have the least amount of.
What's the word? They have the least amounts of.
[00:32:18] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:32:19] Speaker A: You know what I'm trying to say? I'm Trying to spit it out. I'm trying to spit it out.
[00:32:23] Speaker B: Least amount of.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: They have the least amounts of.
We'll get back to it. So I gotta.
[00:32:32] Speaker B: Here, you know, let me tell you something about. Maybe this will help Jarrett. So one of the things I talk about in the book a lot about masculinity as I talk about toxic masculinity versus bland masculinity. And I think you're with the guys you're talking about maybe more to the toxic. The toxic end of the spectrum. And what I talk about in the book is like each end of the spectrum. The toxic masculine man and the totally bland masculine man. They both have valuable qualities, but they're extreme examples of the qualities. And I want to take the best parts of both of those and kind of meet in the middle. I want to be empathetic. I want to. But I also want to be a protector. Right. I want to be able to show emotion, but I also want to be strong emotionally. Right. So I try to meld those things. And I think what you. I imagine what you were trying to say about the guys who say I'm alpha. They're trying to convince themselves that they're alpha. And. But when it actually comes down to it, they are unable to play the softer role. So really, what's the benefit of just being all. All bro. Ish, I suppose, or all toxic. Right.
[00:33:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Because like in its terminus definition, at its core, if you're alpha, it just means that you are in charge, you're a leader, and that you have self confidence. But. And that's the word I was looking for was self confidence.
The guys that, you know, portray themselves to be alpha, but they want to control every move that their woman does, and they don't want to allow her to have her own agency. Those are the guys that have the least amount of self confidence, in my personal opinion.
[00:34:04] Speaker B: Tell you, if I have to tell you I'm an alpha, then I'm not an alpha.
[00:34:07] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not alpha, you know, because like, you don't tell a lion that he's a lion. Doesn't go around, tell you, hey, I'm a lion because I eat sheep. A lion just goes out there and fucking eats sheep.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:34:16] Speaker A: You know, you know that whether it is eating a sheep or whether it's just lying in the grass watching the sheep walk by, it knows it's a lion.
[00:34:25] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's. I mean, that's. If you are strong, if you have incredible self confidence, you can be soft sometimes when you need to be. And you can be hard when you need to be. Other times, you. You can. You can. Can. You can. You can be any of the. Any of the range according to the situation. And that's what a. And. And in the book, I talk of, like, trying to find that elusive balance point where I can do all those things and be the man that I want to be. Meanwhile, while people are calling me a cuck or people calling me a wussy man because my wife is out there fucking a bunch of people and blogging.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: About it, but in reality, those are the strongest guys out there, you know, And a person, a guy that's a true alpha, he's like, not one extreme end of the spectrum, you know, he's gonna have some beta qualities to him because both alpha and beta have great unique qualities to them. So, yeah, and he's out there having sex with beautiful women while all you other guys are talking about, like, ah, he's a fucking whatever. Whatever.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:35:23] Speaker A: Who has the last laugh.
[00:35:24] Speaker B: I know, right? I mean, I say that, like all those guys who are judging me, I'm probably having a way more masculine sex life than them, by the by, even by the metrics they would use, so.
[00:35:34] Speaker A: Hey, y'all, Adam just dropped the mic as soon as he said that.
Bam.
All right, so is there a second book coming along in the Seek the Risk?
[00:35:51] Speaker B: I. I am coming. I. I am writing, or. I'm in the process of. Of formulating my second book.
Throughout the book, Seek the Risk, I really talk about how my male friendships are incredibly valuable to me, and they help me get through tough times and even through the stuff with Jane. And I really thought, what I'm hearing is that there's a dearth of dearth, right?
There's not enough male friendships. Like, a lot of men don't seem to be having a lot of deep friendships. One example, a guy who read the book, he's a billionaire, and he reached out to me and he said, hey, I'd love to have a beer with you. I was in New York City. He was there. So we went. We sat down, had a beer. Super nice guy. And we were talking, and he was asking questions. He was trying to open up his marriage with his wife. They've been together 30 years. It was a fun time. And I got on my current climbing partner, who's my best friend, and we were talking about death or something, maybe with this billionaire. And I said, yeah, my best friend and I, we always said if one of us was at a point where we Couldn't enjoy life. The other one would get them a shot of heroin, and they could od. Like, that's what we said we'd do for each other. And he just looked at me and he's like, I don't have a friend. Like, I've never had a friend like that. And I was like, whoa. I was blown away because my friendships are my reason to be. So that was a very long way of answering your question, saying, I think my next book is gonna be about friendships and trying to show people great friendships and why they're valuable and why you should invest time in them and even money into your friendship. You should invest in them. Cause they will return to you ten times over what you put in. And I don't think I see men doing a lot of that right now in the. In. In our. In our culture anyway. And I. I would love to be able to lead by example and show people. Show people what I do, because it has made my life so much better.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: Adam, I am typically a jokester, but when you said that a good friend will give you a shot of heroin when you need it, to take yourself out when you need it, you said that in such a way where I couldn't even make a joke out of it. I was like, that is deep.
[00:38:00] Speaker B: That is deep friendship. This is my climbing partner of 30 years, this guy. We have just done seen each other at our highest and our lowest, and it's about as deep a friendship as I think I could even. And it gets deeper. Every. Every day. Every year, it gets deeper. Tomorrow we're going out. We're going into the back country, and we're dropping some seriously steep lines on our snowboards and skis, and just. We scare the shit out of each other. We have a great time, but it's all about camaraderie.
[00:38:26] Speaker A: Oh, it's on the thing that's called snow.
[00:38:28] Speaker B: I haven't seen that in years and years.
I'm in Colorado right now. I'm deep in the mountains of Colorado right now.
[00:38:35] Speaker A: See, I'm thinking the easy way out. I live in Vegas, like this desert.
[00:38:40] Speaker B: And, well, I live in Brooklyn, but I come out to Colorado a lot to play in the winter.
[00:38:44] Speaker A: I love it. All right. And do you have a podcast? Because obviously we got introduced by the lovely miss Kathy K. Of Strictly Anonymous, and she said that you would be a great, fantastic guest on my show. So thank you, Kathy.
[00:39:00] Speaker B: She's great. She's been wonderful. She's had me on her show three times. It's. She's she's helped a lot with the penetration of the penetration. The penetration of the book. I owe a lot of my sales and my popularity to her. I've gotten, I've gotten so many emails from her listeners. People have, I get great, great emails from, from readers and such, and her listeners have been spectacular. So she's, she's becoming a friend and I've been, I know she's writing a book right now, so look for that coming out. And I've been helping her that, so it's been fun.
[00:39:26] Speaker A: Love it. And you both are New Yorkers.
[00:39:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I love it. And so is there a podcast coming.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: Up that you're gonna, I mean, my, Am I, No, I, I don't have any plans to do my own podcast.
[00:39:44] Speaker A: I think you should.
[00:39:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I, People have talked to me about that. I don't know. I, I, I'm not sure. Sure, we'll see. I'm not saying no, but it's not in the works at the moment right now. I love talking to people. I love interacting with readers. And I'm kind of thinking people have suggested that I start a group or some sort of retreat or something for men where people can sort of, where guys can come in, we can talk about what it means to seek the risk and what it means to live your life fully and what it means to challenge yourself and not be intimidated by fear. The book is really about don't be controlled by fear here because you might be missing out living your best life. So I'm thinking about that a friend of mine who does stuff like that is going to start helping me, and that, that, that's probably closer to a reality than a podcast.
[00:40:37] Speaker A: Okay. And I mean, it's one of those things where, you know, this is one of your great missions of your life. Right. And I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I think, think that along with your book and your social media, you would definitely reach a ton of guys that belong in the Adam Darrow tribe, and you would help a lot more people in conjunction with your book. And I think you having the retreats for gentlemen. I think that's a fabulous idea. I think that's a phenomenal idea because in a way, I'm not sure if you deem yourself a sex coach. Like, you're, like, you're Jane.
[00:41:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Jane is a sex coach. Yeah. I'm not. I am a life. I would, if anything, I'm more of a life coach. Living, living. I'm a living coach, not a life coach. A living coach. I would sell. I. I want to, I want to teach people how to live fully.
[00:41:35] Speaker A: I love it. So you're a living coach especially for.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: I just came up with that right now, by the way.
[00:41:41] Speaker A: Hey, I love it. So if you want Adams be your living coach, make sure you hit him up right?
[00:41:48] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, I also want to.
When this podcast, when you, when you. I'm going to offer, I'm going to lower the price of the book to 299 for the, for the ebook when you drop your podcast. So let me know when it's coming out. And so people who listening, if they want to get the ebook, it'll be 299 when this. In celebration of this interview with you, Doc. So thank you.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: Oh, well, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it, Adam. And I'll talk to you about it, the publish date, but it's likely going to be next Monday, so Monday or Tuesday, so. Yeah, definitely. And I'm gonna make sure I give you my 299. I won't pay full price. You know, I love what, what I heard from you. So again, this has been Adam Darrow, and you can find his book seek the risk@seektherisk.net and before we jump off of here, Adam, give a few pieces of work or words of advice to somebody that, let's say is living life vanilla. And they, they want to take, like, their life to the next level. Maybe they're living life, but they're not living life.
[00:43:03] Speaker B: Yeah, this is a, this is a, this is a great, great question. And I think it's even in the first chapter, I talk about how the choices I'm making are living my life. And I say I can only grow if I go try new things. And try new things can be very uncomfortable. And so I've made a point in my life to try getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Right? So whoever you are, doesn't matter if you're just a person who sits on the couch normally. And the most exciting thing to you is leaving your house, whatever your line is of where you're uncomfortable, go to it and step over it and see how it feels. And then step back and just keep doing that. Because by stepping into the discomfort zone, whatever it is, it doesn't have to be rock climbing without ropes.
It can be riding the subway.
Whatever your discomfort is, go to it, sit in it, and see what you learn about yourself. And as you do that, more and more, you'll start getting new and different experiences that you wouldn't have had otherwise. And that's the only way to have a life filled with intrigue and mystery and new experiences that you didn't even know existed is by trying new things. So that's the one advice I would give people. If there was only one piece of advice, I would say try new things. Go to your discomfort zone and sit there. You don't have to go far into it, but every time you push it, then the discomfort zone gets a little further away and sometimes you push it and you go, you know, I didn't like that. And you don't do that again. I mean, there's a whole thing in the book where I had a rule, she can't fuck my close friends. But she had a friend, one of my friends he really liked. And I was like, okay, let's try this. And we have a MFM threesome with him and didn't go well. And so I was like, okay, that's a rule that I'm going to pull back. We're going to keep that rule. But I didn't really know until I tried it. So that's what I say. Find your discomfort. Go run towards your discomfort. Sit in it, enjoy it. See what you learn about yourself.
[00:45:03] Speaker A: I love that. That was an awesome sage piece of wisdom and advice, Adam. So again, you guys, ladies, this has been Mr. Adam Darrow. Seek the risk. Make sure you seek his book out. It is 299 this week. When this episode drops. Make sure you buy his book. If he has his coaching program because he is the living man's living, woman's living, anybody's coach. Make sure that you seek him out. So let's seek the risk.net and until next time, you guys, you guys stay beautiful, lovely, you guys seek peace, not war and live your best life because you only got one life to live. Thank you for listening to everybody's favorite black man candy, Doc Chocolate of the Bulls and Queens podcast. If you would like Doc Chocolate to help you host your next fun and kinky private party or you want info on his next monthly Las Vegas Bulls and Queens play party or you'd like to have him pose as a nude or semi nude model for your next girls night out or bachelorette party, make sure you go to www.bullsandqueens.com right now and fill out the form on the website to contact doc Again, that's www.bullsandqueens.com. until next time. Bulls, queens and cucks, stay sexy.
